Tenders

Sometimes, I get use to seeing miracles.  I almost *expect* to see them happen.

Especially in the adoption community.  I see God move mountains, get people across oceans, raise finances, dissolve red tape, make the right person at the right time be at that particular office to answer that phone on that day at USCIS/Embassy/DCS/etc.  We adoptive families witness children with medical needs be placed in homes in the exact city as the particular surgeon they need to get in to see.  We see God make possible what we thought was impossible.  We get phone calls we never dreamed would come.  We see broken hearts bound together, trauma and deep wounds begin healing….we see HOPE restored.

I think that is one of the reasons I was so shaken by a little boy’s death recently.  We were all praying for a miracle.  Not only was I hoping for it…I believed it was going to happen.  How could it not?  This was a precious little one that had only been home for a matter of months.  God places the fatherless in families.  He is the great Healer.  The Great Physician.  Nothing is impossible with Him.

I kept checking the blog for updates and different friends’ facebook accounts who I knew would be adding updates.  (It is absolutely incredible to me how many lives this family has touched.  How many knees were hitting the floor for Everett.)

Yet, our Lord didn’t write the story we were longing to see unfold the way we wanted to see it unfold.

Sometimes…can I just be honest….sometimes I forget that I have seen and I have known God’s faithfulness.

^^^ I’ve been thinking that for several weeks now.  I’ve been pondering how quickly I tend to forget the Lord’s faithfulness.  His constant and eternal goodness.  His faithfulness to always be good, constant, true, sovereign.

He sees everything.  We only see in pieces.

I’ve been considering this in our own adoption journey.  When someone doesn’t react the way I think they should, or when timing isn’t happening the way I thought it would, or when….when life just gets in the way….when it gets in the way of *my way*…

When life doesn’t unfold the way I want to see it unfold…sometimes far too often I am quick to look at God and ask Him why He isn’t following MY PLAN the way I had it laid out.  <–surely He saw how I laid it out.

Sometimes I forget that I have seen and that I have known God’s faithfulness.

Over the last several months, a couple ladies from church and I studied Colossians and Ecclesiastes together.  Verse by verse, chapter by chapter.  When I’m finished with a book of the Bible, I like to go back through my journal and read specific take-aways I had.  These two notes stood out to me from Colossians 3 and 10: “We are but tenders to the Lord’s field of which He is sovereign…..Consider past examples and God’s faithfulness, heeding His instruction.”

And then the glaring reminder from Ecclesiastes 3, that I have in my living room, that I still need to be reminded of every day, even though it was a continual reminder to me in our adoption journey to Zora: “He has made EVERYTHING beautiful in its time <–in HIS time.”

I tell you what…That is quick to hit me over the head and remind me what I know: God is sovereign. God is faithful.  It is the Lord’s field.  It is my beautiful calling to be a tender to the field but it is HIS FIELD.

His.

Not mine.

I don’t have the right to look at Him and tell Him what my plans for His field are.

I only see dimly.  He sees fully.

My heart cries, “My eyes too often only see my field.  Lord, help me to see YOUR field.”

I need to see His field.  I need to see His field when it makes sense and I need to see His field when I can’t make sense of it.  In beauty and in pain.  In ease and in struggle.  In plenty and in want.

His plans are still in place.  He is still in the miracle business.  He is still moving mountains, dissolving red tape, binding the broken hearted, healing deep wounds.  He was and is and always will be restoring hope.

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