As I write this blog, I keep looking out my window into our back yard where our garden is defenseless against the rabbit that loves it. Taking a squash or zucchini every now and then was annoying but I was choosing to let that slide. But on Monday, the rabbit got what was our largest watermelon. That rabbit is no longer “cute” to me. Our dog just may become an outside dog until the rabbit is taken care of……
Change is coming to our family. Yes, we are absolutely still in the process of adoption. Yes, we are still on the waiting list with our agency for a birth family to choose us. Yes, we could get the call any minute of any day that there is a child who needs a mommy and daddy and could we be his parents.
What you probably don’t know is that we’ve been doing something while we wait. Our journey to Zora was 2 1/2 years. This journey may be shorter than that. It may be longer. (Yes, no matter the time it takes, the child is worth it.) But while we wait, God has been breaking my heart more and more and more and I’m not sure that I could keep myself from jumping into this even if I tried with all my might.
Come the night of July 30th, Zane and I will be certified Foster Parents.
Yep. You did actually read that correctly. Deep breath…..
I think back on that young lady from November 2012, kicking off the first adoption journey knowing full well she would be adopting from Africa. I love that girl. That naive girl. I think back on her and I laugh at her. She had so many ideas of *exactly* what God was going to do with her life, what her family would look like, where she would adopt from and where she WOULDN’T adopt from, and believe me…she would be adopting and only adopting. Fostering would not be something she’d even consider.
I think back to last summer often. In fact, I don’t believe a day goes by that I do not think about the little boy we had the honor of doing respite care for. He will never know how much this family loves him. He will never know how much God used him to change my heart. To break down walls I didn’t realize I had built.
Because some times…most times….if I’m willing to be deeply honest with myself, I like to build walls in my own life. Dolled up as they may be with names like, “boundaries,” or “family time,” or “relaxation,” or “this is such a nice, easy season of life and I don’t want anyone or anything to mess with it!!!!”
And yet “comfort” is not the goal here. (It feels sooo nice though!) The goal is for our lives to be used by God for His glory, in hardship and in comfort. He is the potter. We are the clay. And while this season is indeed comfortable and nice and easy, in less than a month, our oldest two will be in Kindergarten and First Grade (bye bye summer days of sleeping in), and we may already have our first placement in our home. I’m going to bawl my eyes out this year just.as.much as I did last year when dropping my babies off on their first day. I imagine there may be tears for new reasons too.
Even though our family is about to embark on something new (and hard, and beautiful, and hard), the current season…right now…envelops me like the breeze right before a summer rain. You know rain is coming, easy and light or heavy you know not, but rain is coming so you are soaking up the sunshine, finishing up the popsicles, and are getting ready to hunker down snuggled up on the couch with popcorn and movies (or yarn and hooks). Having my babies with me during the summer and soaking up quality time with them knowing that at any moment it could change via a call from our Adoption agency, or in three weeks, a call from our Foster agency..wow, what a blessing. What a joy.
This Foster agency has already been supplying us with resources for our kiddos as we navigate care. Including, but not limited to, resources for us in parenting through questions Zo has about reunification to birth families and how that may affect her <3 We love our children and have a responsibility to parent them and nurture their hearts *WELL* as we foster together.
The 2012 woman that I was had no idea 2018 would contain this.
But God did.