This journey is crazy different.
I was thinking earlier today about our journey to Zo….God’s faithfulness through it. So much yearning to bring Baby Seals #3 home when she was not even conceived yet.
There was the excitement to be adopting. This hopefulness. This beautiful….naivety.
If you can even call that beautiful.
I was not shy in our first journey to blog of loss and ways we pray for our daughter’s birth parents. But it is one thing to pray for the birth family that you have never met and a child yet to be known to you, and another thing all together to raise a child, born to another woman, and feel the magnitude of that honor, that weight, that urgent and pressing conviction to do right not only by your child but also to your child’s birth family who….entrusted their heart to you.
I am infinitely more aware this time of what it is to look into my daughter’s eyes, look into the smiles of my children giggling over candy and costumes, and know our beautiful, chaotic, loud, geeky family is knit together in threads of grace….threads that have tears in them we have yet to see.
There is still an excitement. A hopefulness. And this time, a beautiful awareness.
This longing to get ‘the call,’ yet this longing for ‘the call’ to not come…because for us to be entrusted with another child…it means our child will lose their birth family. Our child will be cut off from having his mother teach him to ride a bike. Cry over the first Kindergarten days. Laugh over field trips that lead to ‘swimming in corn.’ Am I ready to say yes? Yes. But I’m also burdened to desire our child to have more time…if it be safe and loving….more time with birth family. More memories made. More love and snuggles had between birth mother/birth father and child.
Adoption is hard. Beautiful, emotional…hard.
Our Zo will probably come to understand within the next year that Ro and O grew in my tummy. She did not. The hopefulness and awareness a second adoption journey brings is wrapped in more weightiness.
I believe it is always supposed to be. <3