One of the many blessings an adoptive mom has is that no matter what she is going through, there is another momma out there who just.gets.it.
And this week, I have been in tears for a dear friend of mine who is at the point of their adoption journey where her emotions mirror my March 2015 emotions perfectly.
You can scroll through all of those posts if you’d like but as a quick summary: March 2015 was the hardest month emotionally for me in our journey to Zora. I’m fairly certain I cried every day. I longed SO DEEPLY to have our child in our arms. The wait had been well over 2 years, I felt like a blind spot to God (even though I knew we weren’t and our child definitely wasn’t), and I was just in agony. My thoughts constantly threw fear in my face: did my child eat today, is my child in pain today, will my child be abused this week, will I receive a picture of my child…ever…. goodness, that list can go on and on.
To those of you who followed the journey to Zo, you know God was writing an incredibly beautiful story the whole time. Even in March 2015, God was shielding me from many unknowns and drawing me closer to Him. And in my weakness, He held me fast. In my faithlessness, He remained faithful. In my tears, He was my comfort.
In March 2015, I wrote about the desire to praise God “for the waiting” while in the wait. I knew I could praise Him for the waiting once He revealed the story. But I wanted to praise Him even in the midst of the unknowns. He, graciously and powerfully, lifted my eyes to Him during that time and even since then He has been teaching me how to praise Him during different storms, for the storms. I trust His goodness and faithfulness and know that in storms, He is NEAR.
But my friend….you guys…she and her husband have been waiting 2 years. I’ve been there. It is hard. Knowing there are so many children who need families and yet you are STILL WAITING…man oh man it is HARD to be waiting. It is hard.
Well, they have been waiting. And it hasn’t been without loads of hope. Birth mothers choosing them, even them being in the room for a birth….and yet adoption plans fall through sometimes. Lots of times. This is the risk with opening your heart…you are opening your heart to immeasureable love….and unbearable pain.
Possibilities of adopting twins (twice), of adopting toddlers, of adopting older children….it is like doors keep being blown open for them and then they get *slammed* shut as soon as my friend and her husband say yes. They have hardly been a couple of months at any point in this journey without experiencing both joy and deep sorrow.
And I mourn with them. Oh, how I mourn with them. When I see adoptive families out and about, I don’t see what got them there. I don’t see the late night conversations and the tears and the waiting and the paperwork and the saving-every-single-penny and…just all.the.hard.
I see smiling faces and beautiful families.
Not the brokenness that was before the beauty broke through.
Behind those smiling faces are bruises and scars. Most of those wounds, healed. But believe me…those families, every single member of those families, took a good beating to get to where they are. Worth it? Oh yes.
But when the waiting is so hard…and you can’t see the end result…and your eyes are too weak to look above the crashing waves, the lie creeps in and whispers, “is this all really worth it? I mean, why don’t you just quit. Just give up. It’ll be easier. No child is worth this heartbreak.”
And praise God there is a but…
We adoptive Mommas…we know that lie is just that. A lie. IT IS NOT TRUE.
Most of us, at some point or another, had that lie whispered to us. Many of us maybe even believed that lie for a moment…or longer.
And yet every single one of you in the adoptive community reading this post, right now, feels for my friend and what she and her husband are going through. Every single one of you in the adoptive community reading this post that knows Jesus knows that He is so near to the brokenhearted in this time. And every single one of you in the adoptive community reading this post that knows Jesus will say yes when I ask this one question: will you please pray for my friends tonight? They hurt right now. They need to be lifted up in prayer right now. Because they got the same phone call that they’ve gotten too many times already in this journey *again*: “Not this time.”
They don’t have to know the end of the story or how the Lord is going to make beauty from these ashes….they just need us to weep with them and to pray with and for them. And for their future child –> That the Lord’s reasons for them not being together yet are abundantly good. That every time they have had the door just shatter before their very eyes is worth whatever the Lord has planned.
For tonight…and tomorrow…and whenever you think about it, can you pray for my friends? If you were ever moved to pray for me in our journey to Zo, please pray for them in their journey to their child <3