Always By My Side

“You hold the whole world in Your hands.
I’m holding on to Your promises.
You are faithful. You are faithful.
I know Who goes before me. I know Who stands behind.
The God of angel armies is always by my side.”
Chris Tomlin-Whom Shall I Fear

When I got into my car and turned it on, moments after receiving our $10,000 donation, those were the first words that came singing through the radio.  Kind of perfect, right?  I rested my head on the steering wheel and laughed tears of joy.  He is so faithful.

I don’t know how many blog entries start out with “this road is hard,” but let me tell you, this road is hard.  It is full of blessings, joys, miracles, and bumps, heartaches, weariness….but I’d do this whole journey again and again and again.

Adoptive families always share about both the joys and hurtful bumps in the road.  One thing that is across the board with every adoption is that it never goes quite like expected, or ‘approximated’ or ‘estimated.’  Still, you always hope to be that one adoptive family for everything to go smoothly.

And as we come up on September, it is hard to keep my heart from being an anxious mess.  Lesotho has ‘matching meetings’ and they are having one in September.  Most likely, we will not receive our referral (we are #22 in line currently).  BUT, I know our God can move mountains and I also know His timing is perfect, far better than my own timing could ever be.

I think this is the point when many prospective-adoptive families start questioning if they are on the right path.  We know we are called to adopt, we know that God clearly led us to Lesotho, but what if His leading wasn’t as clear as we thought it was?  We’ve been ‘waiting’ for our referral for 4 months, which is not that long in the grand-scheme of things.  But since we are in the ‘waiting’ stage, it means that THAT is all we are doing…waiting.  And when I wait, my mind goes in a gazillion different directions, questioning everything, opening my heart and mind up to fear of the unknown and constant what-ifs.  I am not supposed to live in fear.  I know better.  But if I’m in this waiting stage for years, I can be eaten up by anxiety and fear if I let it get the best of me.  

My God has already planned the day our child will come home.  Hes got this.  All in His perfect timing.  And the wait, to wait upon Him, is so worth the joy before us.  I know that.  I trust that.  I trust Him.

God always gently brings me back to His throne, His mercy seat, and reminds me that He is always faithful.  He keeps His promises.  And no one can stop what He sets in motion.  The whole world is in His hands.  And even though I so quickly forget and let fear cloud my mind, He never gives up on me.  He calls me back to Him, to rest in Him, and sometimes He uses my love language, music, to remind me of His goodness.  (No, music isn’t one of the 5 love languages, but it really should be!)  He goes before me, and He stands behind me. And He is always by my side.  

So while we wait, I will wait on Him, and I will plead with Him to either bring our child home to us soon, or to give us the strength and grace to wait upon Him and His timing with patience and endurance that is glorifying to His Name.  Please pray that with us.

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